DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for 22 years. It was a standard relationship, and I used to be very completely satisfied. Nevertheless, during the last 12 years, my spouse has modified. There may be ZERO affection, no hugging, holding arms and nothing sexual. We’re like roommates. She blames it on having been molested when she was a toddler. Our degree of intimacy was regular for 10 years.
I’ve steered counseling, however she refuses. Backside line: Ought to I keep, or ought to I am going? I’m 64 years previous, and that is my second marriage. I don’t need to begin over. — STARVED IN INDIANA
DEAR STARVED: Ask your spouse if she ever acquired counseling after she was molested. If she did, she wants extra. Nevertheless, if she didn’t, then it’s time to clarify to her that for the final 12 years she has starved you of affection and human contact, and you don’t intend to dwell the remainder of your life this manner. Then supply her a alternative: counseling to take care of her challenge or a divorce. It’s possible you’ll not need to begin over, however you might have to.
DEAR ABBY: I introduced my dad with dementia into my residence. My husband has coronary heart points. We’re all at one another’s throats on a regular basis. My siblings promised they might assist deal with our dad, however they haven’t helped a lot in any respect. Each now and again they might take him for a pair hours, however then he’s proper again. Don’t get me incorrect, I really like my dad. However we actually may use extra assist, although I really feel responsible asking for it. Am I imagined to really feel this manner? I imply, they’re his kids, too. — OBLIGATED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR OBLIGATED: I hope you notice you might have introduced this example on your self, and it’s as much as you to do one thing about it. You mentioned you are feeling responsible asking your siblings for extra assist taking good care of your father. Lose that responsible feeling! They ARE his kids, too, however they aren’t thoughts readers. Inform them what you want, and whether it is extra time to your self and your sick husband, don’t be bashful about saying so.
DEAR ABBY: My husband purchased me a phenomenal diamond ring for our thirty fifth anniversary. Folks usually ask how a lot it price and why we might spend that. I do know I don’t have to clarify myself, and I attempt to be well mannered. We each work, are debt-free and don’t trouble anybody. What’s the correct manner to reply to questions like this? — DIAMOND GAL IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR DIAMOND GAL: You might be appropriate. You aren’t obligated to disclose private monetary info, so cease doing it. There’s no finish to the non-public questions individuals ask lately. If somebody inquires about how a lot your ring price or why you’ll spend that sum of money, merely reply, “You understand, that’s a really private query, and I’m actually not comfy with it.” Then change the topic.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teenagers must learn about intercourse, medication, AIDS and getting together with friends and oldsters is in “What Each Teen Ought to Know.” Ship your title and mailing deal with, plus verify or cash order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Pricey Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Field 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Transport and dealing with are included within the worth.)
